AjD enters the chapel.
becca wonders if running in the chapel is inappropriate
Vacca says, "Quetzlcoatlatl.  For flinging winged serpents."
troc powers up his thinsuit.
gooley muses on censership
Vacca runs in the chapel... WITH SCISSORS!
vampyr says, "it's starting!"
pirich makes a shuushing noise
jfw says, "It's startling!""
gooley haul;s felicity off the keyboard
j.j and gnat enter as a hush falls over the crowd.  they walk to the front of
the chapel to stand in front of AjD, gnat on the right, j.j on the left.
rmk says, "hi jfw!"
Tom yells, "hush, now."
You paged Tom: thank you.
Michele wiggles silently. 
Sai relays: sue recovers after the phone cut off the modem. I resisted the
temptation to yell "I'm at a wedding - go away!!"
kate and jules, virtual maid of honor and virtual best man, enter at the back
of the chapel.
stevi and fred enter the chapel and walk solomnly until they stand next to the
bride and groom, stevi on jenine's left and fred on gnat's right.
pater says, "pardon"
> 
kate stands next to stevi on jenine's left, and jules next to fred on nat's
right.
AjD clears his throat.
You whisper "ok, we're ready to go." to AjD.
AjD says, "We are here to celebrate the marriage of one Nathan Torkington and
one Jenine Abarbanel."
AjD says, "We"
AjD says, "have each known of these people, both alone and"
AjD says, "together, and some have partaken of them. All present"
AjD says, "can reliably witness to their existence as human beings,"
AjD says, "and not as cabbages or something."
AjD says, "Let us now pause for ten seconds to reflect on our"
AjD says, "gullibility thereby implied."
AjD says, "As we witness the vowing of their consummation, let us"
AjD says, "consider how deeply this momentous occasion strikes each"
AjD says, "of us personally. When individual differences are set"
AjD says, "aside by use of this magic medium called The Internet,"
AjD says, "where we subsume our personalities in playacted behavior"
AjD says, "and multiple nom-de-nets, we realize that it does,"
AjD says, "indeed, require physical remoteness for many of us to"
AjD says, "truly loose our inhibitions. We must all cherish the"
AjD says, "awareness that, somehow, people are still experiencing"
AjD says, "physical knowing of a most biblical nature."
pirich sniffles
AjD says, "gnat and j.j were each brought into the world without"
AjD says, "knowledge of the other, yet their emotional frailties"
AjD says, "and the forces of the world led to their meeting online."
AjD says, "Does this represent to us hope for our future as symbols"
AjD says, "of how mankind's works can serve to cross vast barriers"
AjD says, "and bring together people, or does it invite the pity we"
AjD says, "must shed on those too withdrawn to successfully seek"
AjD says, "companionship in the arms of those within reach?"
AjD says, "Let us now pause for mere milliseconds to not reflect"
AjD says, "too much on these consequences."
gooley sobs
Tom claps^H^H^H^H^Hsobs
vampyr has no reflection.
Vacca dabs at watery eyes with a kleenex.
AjD says, "Brother Solberg, He Whose Real Name Must Not Be Said Out"
AjD says, "Loud yet may be typed freely, please deliver the"
AjD says, "homily."
heehoo stands.
heehoo says, "I must apologize in advance.  I'm typing this manually."
heehoo says, "I shall begin with a highly inappropriate reading from "The Black
Stone" by Robert E. Howard."
heehoo says, "'A monstrous, toad-like thing squatted on top of the monolith.'"
Michele looks at gnat more closely.
heehoo says, "'I saw its bloated, repulsive and unstable outline against the
moonlight.'"
gooley thinks of himself
strych9 thinks of the Internet
j.j quietly passes a bottle of peppermint schnapps around the wedding party.
heehoo says, "'Set in what would have been the face of a natural creature, its
huge, blinking eyes reflected all the lust, abysmal greed, obscene cruelty and
monstrou evil"
pater pukes
Vacca thinks of the New Hampshire primary.
heehoo says, "'that has stalked the sons of men since their ancestors moved
hairless in the treetops.'"
AjD thinks of tax collectors.
heehoo says, "'In those grisly eyes were mirrored all the unholy things and
vile secrets that sleep in the cities under the sea.'"
gooley thinks of Rogaine
d. says, "hush now."
heehoo says, "'And so that ghastly thing that the unhallowed ritual and sadism
and blood had evoked from the silence of the hills...'"
heehoo says, "'...leered and blined down on its bestial worshippers, who
grovelled in abhorrent abasement before it.'"
AjD hands j.j a swig of tequila.
heehoo says, "'Now the beast-masked priest lifted the bound and weakly writhing
girl in his brutish hands and held her up toward that horror on the monolith."
Michele says, "wait, that' supposed to be vampyr."
heehoo says, "'And as that monstrosity sucked in its breath, lustfully and
slobberingly, something snapped in my brain....'"
digger blinks
heehoo AHEM
heehoo says, "Friends, what is the nature of marriage?"
heehoo says, "Is it a compact between two loving and self-willed persons,"
j.j and gnat cheer wildly!
heehoo says, "and unshakeable pact and firm symbol of the esteem and commitment
that composes the bonds between two souls?"
heehoo says, "Or is it a dark and sinister accord with eldritch forces,"
gnat and j.j cheer even more wildly!
heehoo says, "vowing terrible vows and paying unspeakable costs for knowledge
beyond the ken of Man?"
heehoo says, "You may consider this a facetious question."
heehoo says, "You may reconsider, though, when times get tough."
heehoo says, "Love can sometimes be a casualty of the difficulties we all
encounter in life,"
heehoo says, "and there may be moments in the future when, for whatever reason,
you find yourself questioning the wisdom of marrying your partner."
heehoo says, "Make no mistake, you undoubtedly have a great many happy times
ahead;"
heehoo says, "however, the strength of a marriage is measured,"
heehoo says, "not by its quality during the days of wine and roses,"
Tom says, "but by its coefficient of friction."
heehoo says, "but by its endurance through the bitterly cold nights of a
post-apocalyptic nuclear winter."
AjD cries!
gnat throws an ice cube at tom.
heehoo says, "I regret mentioning such dark thoughts at such a joyous
occasion,"
vampyr nudges michele. "is /that/ what sex is like?"
heehoo says, "but it is important to dispel a common illusion held by young
couples:"
gooley realizes that he doesn't know
heehoo says, "Marriage is NEVER easy."
heehoo says, "You must work,"
d. says, "hush now.  babble at your own wedding."
heehoo says, "and work HARD,"
j.j whispers at gnat, "who's he calling YOUNG?"
heehoo says, "in the years to come if you wish to perserve this beautiful,
important union that you are forging today."
heehoo says, "Here are some things you must do:"
AjD gives d. some tequila. "it's good!"
richter takes notes
heehoo says, "* Love each other.  Do not stop doing this.  Ever."
heehoo says, "* Take time to be together.  Is something preventing this? KILL
IT"
heehoo says, "* Respect each other.  Mere love is not sufficient."
Michele kills Tom's computer.
heehoo says, "* Listen to each other.  Now and forever, you are both teacher
and student."
heehoo says, "* Support each other.  Stand back-to-back during firefights."
heehoo says, "I urge you --"
pirich quietly seats himself while muttering about telnet
heehoo says, "I challenge you --"
heehoo says, "I DOUBLE DOG DARE you --"
heehoo says, "to do these things,"
jkcohen weeps.
heehoo says, "and do them well."
heehoo says, "If you do, your marriage will take on a steely strength of its
own,"
brett prays silently
gooley sobs
heehoo says, "that will support you when both of you, as individuals, are
feeling weak."
Vacca cries quietly at the keyboard.
heehoo says, "And when whatever hideously diabolical toad-creatures that life
has to offer finally spring forth upon you,"
heehoo says, "seeking to devour your flesh,"
jkcohen wonders if heehoo means kids.
heehoo says, "you may find that the love you hold for your partner will bolster
your sanity and drag you back from the stark howling pits of insanity."
heehoo raises his glass
pirich kicks jk
heehoo says, "Nat and jenine, I wish you a long and happy union."
j.j cries openly
richter dabs her eyes. fuck. that was beautiful
heehoo sits
kate whistles raucously. yay heehoo!
miyume sighs wistfully
waider applauds
gooley bewails his virginity
Vacca breaks into applause after a stunned silence.
miyume smiles
jkcohen applauds wildly.
brett applauds
AjD stands up again. "That was beautiful, babe."
vampyr cheers! "yay!"
jules grins.
edg says, "amen""
inkster bawls.
M. applauds.
strych9 smiles.
troc says, "Woo-woo!"
anthony cheers!
becca claps
jules says, "Testify, Brother heehoo!"
Sai relays: amyl smiles
pirich says, "I need the transcript of that"
jfw says, "amen indeed!""
jsam smiles, slightly awkwardly.
Tom propositions gooley.
gooley is overawed
Sai relays: dean grins
Sai relays: tommy smiles
squirty yay!
ninj applaudes
Sai relays: sue thinks this is a really unique ceremony :)
jkcohen picks himself off the floor and cheers.
M. laughs at pirich.  "how many copies?"
gooley sighs
miyume prepositions gooley
j.j taps her foot impatiently.
kevin_s says, "everyone mail pirich!"
Michele puts down her  hankie and smiles.
gooley positions himself
AjD says, "heehoo will be doing five shows a week at Klortho's for the next few
weeks. I suggest everybody check him out!"
j.j says, "i'm gettin' dizzy here."
becca postpostions gooley
troc holds up a lighter!
jkcohen wonders about the vows.
inkster blows his nose in the ruffles.
You paged AjD: ok, ready to finish this?
brett postmoderns Gooley
vampyr tackles the chapel collectively. "HEY! we have a WEDDIN' to do!"
AjD says, "Okay, now. if we can have a moment's silence, PLeASE!"
Vacca says, "No sex until after the benediction, people."
gnat makes audible "ssssh" noises.
Sai relays: tommy offers his sleve to sue
miyume their presence indicated consent.
miyume says, "oops"
Sai relays: amyl goes out and murders all the people that came in and phoned
during the ceremony
Sai relays: sue sniffles on Tommy's sleeve
AjD says, "gnat and j.j, please step forward to the altar now?"
j.j and gnat step forward.
AjD says, "Right..."
AjD says, "We will now begin the exchange of vows."
AjD says, "gnat, do you swear to serve as j.j's One True Love, to"
AjD says, "love, honor, and obey, and especially obey?"
gnat says, "I do."
AjD says, "j.j, do you swear to serve as gnat's One True Love and"
AjD says, "bed partner, with all this implies?"
j.j says, "oh yes i DO."
AjD says, "gnat, do you swear to perform your duties as j.j's"
AjD says, "househusband for as long as you can stand to?"
digger sighs
gnat says, "I do.  Oh god."
j.j snickers.
AjD says, "j.j, do you swear to love gnat in all carnal and"
AjD says, "spiritual ways for as long as you can bear to?"
Tom bears gnat.
Alfvaen gives HWRNMNBSOL the thumbs-up.
j.j checks her watch, "i do!"
AjD says, "If anybody has any reasons for objecting to this"
AjD says, "marriage on any grounds, speak out loud and vigorously."
heehoo says, "I met gnat and j.j both, and they really ARE cabbages!"
jkcohen holds his peace.
strych9 kicks heehoo in the teeth.
Tom holds jkcohen's piece.
Vacca glares at anyone who even THINKS about opening their mouth.
vampyr holds jkc's piece.
squirty says, "cabbages can SO marry"
Michele hold Tom's piece.
gooley says, "I still lust in my heart after j.j ...oh, heck, she IS my Mom
after all, so never mind"
kate murmurs "mes petits choux"
fred readies his blackjack.
AjD hands strych9 some tequila. "It's Padron, man. You made me a convert!"
gnat says, "so far there's nothing that will hold up in court - move on, my
good man!"
pirich says, "I think you should have said 'any defensible grounds.'"
jsam holds his peace.
AjD says, "shall we?"
j.j nods.
AjD says, "right. no valid complaints. y'all are WEAK, man."
AjD says, "Anyway..."
Tom says, "BUT NOTHING EXISTS!"
AjD says, "let's continue with the vows."
Tom says, "sorry. Existential angst held in abeyance"
AjD says, "gnat, alternate between gazing deeply at j.j's breasts"
AjD says, "and glancing at the screen, and repeat after me, filling"
AjD says, "in the blank as necessary:"
AjD says, "I, ___, promise to serve you in my capacity as your"
AjD says, "aoteroan love slave and constant companion, come hell or"
AjD says, "high water or threats from neighbors about the noise."
gnat says, "I, Nat, promise to serve you in my capacity as your"
Alfvaen lags.
gnat says, "Aoteroan love slave and constant companion, come hell or"
gnat says, "high water or threats from neighbors about the noise."
AjD says, "great..."
gnat thinks "If only EVERYONE could cut and paste their vows."
AjD says, "j.j, lift your hands from gnat's crotch for long enough"
AjD says, "to retype after me, staring at gnat whenever possible"
AjD says, "and filling in the blank as necessary:"
AjD says, "I, ___, promise to serve you as well as a modern""
AjD says, "American woman can, whether this be by sexual"
AjD says, "satisfaction, spiritual succor, or high-altitude"
AjD says, "cooking."
j.j says, "I, j.j, promise to serve you as well as a modern""
j.j says, "American woman can, whether this be by sexual"
j.j says, "satisfaction, spiritual succor, or high-altitude"
j.j says, "cooking."
Michele hangs in suspense.
j.j kills and YANKS.  "all hail emacs"
richter hail
waider amen to that
AjD says, "beautiful."
jules hail!
ninj hails
brett says, "Hail!"
anthony hails emacs.
strych9 hails emacs.
Tom heals all wounds.
thoth hails emacs.
AjD says, "now, for the fun part."
miyume hails
vampyr M-x hail-mode
waider . o O (bad call, j.j...)
pirich hails j.j and Gnat
jkcohen meta-X-hails emacs.
AjD says, "well, the second-most-fun part."
AjD says, "ahem..."
AjD says, "Okay, now that we've gotten this far, it is time for j.j"
AjD says, "and gnat to exchange rings. We'll have to take their"
AjD says, "word that they actually have rings, of course."
Vacca beams through the tears.who
AjD says, "Since they're in their bedroom, though, they could've"
AjD says, "just left the room to get more beer. Let's pause and"
AjD says, "wait for them to tell what they're doing."
jules supplies a velvet cushion with two virtual rings.
gooley avoids math jokes
fred holds aloft THE RING.
troc says, "They're just tokens."
fred hums "one ring to rule them all . . "
gooley parses that
jules says, "Uh, fred, two rings.  One each?"
fred hands the ring to gnat.
digger grins
waider is falling asleep at the keyboard. eek.
AjD draws on the tequila while waiting.
gooley pours more Laphroiag
pirich says, "Well?  Did they find each other's fingers, or what?"
Michele hands waider some coffee.
waider accepts the coffee sleepily.
brett says, "That could be the delay, rich."
pirich breaks out the 3 monts
kate hmm. time to pop the cork on the mumm's...
troc says, "I saw Stanley the elephant do this on TV.  He snuck off-stage
during an awards ceremony."
AjD says, "almost..."
Vacca is almost out of wine.  Uh-oh.
waider suspects they've gone off to do the cinsummation thing ALREADY.
vampyr says, "no fingers? maybe they really /are/ cabbages."
gooley remembers the story about the man given a ring by the Devil
jsam cheers!
AjD says, "i imagine they can't apply rings and type at the same time after
all."
smarry says, "augh late again."
pirich says, "AjD- waht if they went on to the next part without us?"
becca wonders how long it takes to put on a ring
Vacca says, "If I can type one handed, they can too."
strych9 wonders if the best man is RIGHT NOW fulfilling his one terrible duty.
heehoo arches one eyebrow
AjD says, "i haven't declared them married yet. they've gotta wait for that
bit."
corprew wants to know why Vacca is typing one-handed.
AjD says, "eh?..."
gooley worries about network failures
pirich says, "You think that would stop j.j?"
Vacca suspects that Gnat and j.j are not reading rec.arts.erotica, though..
inkster says, "how about that. they ran off and diddled prematurely."
troc says, "Maybe they're piercing gnat first?"
jkcohen feels that any diddling will have already been metaleptic.
Vacca says, "Stop looking at me like that.  I'm not reading it NOW."
heehoo says, "Uh....uh.....okay, everybody: charades!"
heehoo stalls
AjD whispers, "are you two okay?"
zvi says, "happy wedding everyone!"
Michele says, "They *escaped*."
troc says, "hi, zvi"
gooley says, "how zvui it is!"
brett says, "Three words. First word. Two syllables."
rmk says, "there are no aardvarks in disneyland."
waider calls on zvi for a poem while we wait
kate says, "you can't elope in the middle of your own wedding."
becca says, "happy wedding zvi. they've vanished"
jkcohen did not have the time to write a proper epithalamion.
gnat places the ring on j.j's finger, saying "this ring symbolises my
committment to gratify your every desire, to stay with you through thick and
thin regardless of the misery you put me through, and to anticipate your every
need and whim with the aid of the psychic gifts you obviously expect me to
have.
troc says, "`Wedding`?"
becca says, "the bride and groom that is"
jules says, "Perhaps a few words from our sponser:  Barry, like to tell an
embarrassing gnat story to the folks?"
inkster says, "Hey, what kind of wedding is this. I wan't my money back."
gnat notes the machine crashed.  COPE already.
gooley did not have time to sqwipe onw from Donne
AjD says, "HURRAH1"
troc says, "Sh."
Vacca says, "Hey... they're back!  Places, people!"
waider yay! We got a token crash!
Vacca stops the bridge game.
rmk says, "hello?"
j.j says, "of COURSE the machine crashed.  it had to, right?"
AjD says, "heh. well, continue."
Vacca nods vigorously.
waider casts out daemons.
j.j has a RING on her finger.  continue, please.
Michele notes that her plan worked!
kristen thinks it would be neat if PLUG PLUG everyone here came back and wished
her a happy birthday on saturday PLUG PLUG.
zvi says, "it's like the cup at a jewish wedding... it has to crash, or there's
no good luck!"
Michele says, "Yay!"
richter hi5s zvi
jkcohen says, "Mazal tov!"
becca says, "someone give j.j a ring to put on gnat's finger"
Michele says, "Except that it was all put back together."
brett says, "We're not done yet, kids."
gooley says, "just a token ring?"
thoth fails to find 'metaleptic' in the dictionary
stevi hands the ring to j.j
pater says, "they've pulled that "the machine crashed" thing for ages"
jkcohen says, "Thoth, a/k/a hysteron proteron."
AjD says, "Aw, shucks, yes. Why, when I was younger, we had to make excuses
about running out of gas! They're modern kids, they are."
j.j places the ring on nat's finger and says, "this ring symbolizes my promise
to always be here for you whenever you need me.  and i promise to do my best
not to make your life a living hell, as happens so often when two perfectly
happy people decide to ruin everything by getting married."
troc says, "Hey, I wanna heah the ceremony."
Alfvaen snows vi.
You paged AjD: ok, we're all done HERE.  *sheesh*
AjD says, "Right. they've got the rings, I've got the last bit..."
AjD says, "By the power vested in me by nerdsholm marriage law and"
AjD says, "The Universal Life Church of Modesto, California, I"
AjD says, "hereby pompously pronounce j.j and gnat to be shackled."
AjD says, "gnat, you may now do the bride."
Vacca cheers!
waider throws rice over the happy couple!
inkster says, "YAY!"
troc throws rice over the happy couple!
Michele throws rice!
kate throws rice over the happy couple!
gooley cries, as always at wedding
waider opens a bottle of champagne with a loud *POP*. champagne bubbles out
over the bottle and onto the floor.
Michele throws rice over the happy couple!
miyume yays!
edg says, "hurrah!""
Tom throws rice over the happy couple!
AjD takes a big draw on his tequila.
becca throws cooked rice
Sai relays: dean throws tea bags
pirich launches a spread of rice
ninj cheers
Sai throws rice
richter cheers and blows her nose.
Vacca throws rice over the happy couple!
jkcohen throws little hershey's kisses and rice krispies!
zvi throws rice and cheers!
squirty whoops and throws ferrets
heehoo throws gin!
ninj orders the confetti air-strike
gooley drains a glass of Laphroaig
kristen claps.
anthony cheers RAUCOUSLY!
jfw says, "Confuckinggratulations""
waider throws shamrocks!
M. throws firecrackers!
Sai relays: sue throws confetti
jkcohen releases the pigeons!
Sai relays dean: It was the only white things I have
becca throws laphroaig
stevi waits for the couple to come up for air.
thoth throws rice over the happy couple!  and curses MudDweller for not letting
him cut and paste while the window is scrolling!
jules shamalamas.
pater says, "loud cheers from Ti Point"
strych9 plays a Souza march on the trombone.
anthony guzzles apple juice.
jkcohen boggles at the immense suction!
gooley throws throwing stars
Sai relays: Sas throws rice pudding.
waider [TROMBONE SOLO]
d. says, "woohoo!"
thoth joins strych9 on the trumpet
vampyr's eyes well up, on NH and in RL.
rmk says, "Happy Noo Yeer!!!!!!"
zvi throws gooley throwing stars
Sai relays: sue sniffles on Tommy's sleeve again
troc throws dice!
becca APPLAUDS WILDLY
pirich says, "I expect we've seen the last communication forom them tonight-
break out your booze!"
heehoo throws up! he can't help it!
smarry cheers!
pater says, "Much better than the last one Nat"
smarry says, "not too late after all!  Congratulations!"
waider grins at pater
Sai relays: matt reflects for a moment for the cleaners
Vacca breaks into a medley of "Bon Jovi" favorites!
fred and Stevi examine the wedding license.  It looks legal.
heehoo says, "On the organ? WOW."
ninj me congrats te happy couple
jkcohen weeps with joy for gnat and j.j.
Tom yells, "reception to follow in the bar, south twice."