"'A monstrous, toad-like thing squatted on top of the monolith. I saw its bloated, repulsive and unstable outline against the moonlight. Set in what would have been the face of a natural creature, its huge, blinking eyes reflected all the lust, abysmal greed, obscene cruelty and monstrous evil that has stalked the sons of men since their ancestors moved hairless in the treetops. In those grisly eyes were mirrored all the unholy things and vile secrets that sleep in the cities under the sea. And so that ghastly thing that the unhallowed ritual and sadism and blood had evoked from the silence of the hills...
'...leered and blined down on its bestial worshippers, who grovelled in abhorrent abasement before it.'" heehoo says, "'Now the beast-masked priest lifted the bound and weakly writhing girl in his brutish hands and held her up toward that horror on the monolith." heehoo says, "'And as that monstrosity sucked in its breath, lustfully and slobberingly, something snapped in my brain....'" heehoo AHEM heehoo says, "Friends, what is the nature of marriage?" heehoo says, "Is it a compact between two loving and self-willed persons," heehoo says, "and unshakeable pact and firm symbol of the esteem and commitment that composes the bonds between two souls?" heehoo says, "Or is it a dark and sinister accord with eldritch forces," heehoo says, "vowing terrible vows and paying unspeakable costs for knowledge beyond the ken of Man?" heehoo says, "You may consider this a facetious question." heehoo says, "You may reconsider, though, when times get tough." heehoo says, "Love can sometimes be a casualty of the difficulties we all encounter in life," heehoo says, "and there may be moments in the future when, for whatever reason, you find yourself questioning the wisdom of marrying your partner." heehoo says, "Make no mistake, you undoubtedly have a great many happy times ahead;" heehoo says, "however, the strength of a marriage is measured," heehoo says, "not by its quality during the days of wine and roses," heehoo says, "but by its endurance through the bitterly cold nights of a post-apocalyptic nuclear winter." heehoo says, "I regret mentioning such dark thoughts at such a joyous occasion," heehoo says, "but it is important to dispel a common illusion held by young couples:" heehoo says, "Marriage is NEVER easy." heehoo says, "You must work," heehoo says, "and work HARD," heehoo says, "in the years to come if you wish to perserve this beautiful, important union that you are forging today." heehoo says, "Here are some things you must do:" heehoo says, "* Love each other. Do not stop doing this. Ever." heehoo says, "* Take time to be together. Is something preventing this? KILL IT" heehoo says, "* Respect each other. Mere love is not sufficient." heehoo says, "* Listen to each other. Now and forever, you are both teacher and student." heehoo says, "* Support each other. Stand back-to-back during firefights." heehoo says, "I urge you --" heehoo says, "I challenge you --" heehoo says, "I DOUBLE DOG DARE you --" heehoo says, "to do these things," heehoo says, "and do them well." heehoo says, "If you do, your marriage will take on a steely strength of its own," heehoo says, "that will support you when both of you, as individuals, are feeling weak." heehoo says, "And when whatever hideously diabolical toad-creatures that life has to offer finally spring forth upon you," heehoo says, "seeking to devour your flesh," heehoo says, "you may find that the love you hold for your partner will bolster your sanity and drag you back from the stark howling pits of insanity." heehoo raises his glass heehoo says, "Nat and jenine, I wish you a long and happy union." heehoo sits