For Rachel, Get Well Soon.
A yellow Toyota Celica rattled to a halt in the parking lot of the supermarket.
The driver got out, closed the door. Looked down, opened the door, pushed
the lock button down, and closed the door again, holding the handle up.
He walked around the front of the car, running his fingers along the hood,
drumming them near the antenna, and opened the passenger door, nearly hitting
himself in the knee with it as it swung past him.
A pair of crutches extruded themselves from the interior recesses of the
car, followed by a woman, who stood on her left foot and shifted her weight,
rocking her pelvis side to side. She stepped away from the car, crutch tips
hitting the ground unevenly, and he swung the door closed. Looked down,
opened it, pushed the lock button down, and closed it again, holding the
handle up.
She started immediately towards the supermarket front door. He grabbed a
nearby cart and followed her, taking a detour around a Nissan Pathfinder
to collect two other carts as he went. He didn't always push the carts straight;
he pushed them forward, and if their wheels were sliding slightly sideways,
scrubbing lines on the hot black asphalt, he didn't seem to notice.
The supermarket had no front doors. Cold air blew out from the tiled entrance,
blowing her short hair back and luffing her skirt briefly. She looked carefully
at the ground, picking each step as she went. He followed.
"If you'd like to sit down at the service counter, Rachel, I'll get
the stuff on the list." He flicked the carts forward; the first two
in the stack he'd accumulated fled to their peers, while the third stayed
firmly in his hands.
She shook her head no, "Thanks, Jamie, but I like my bananas green,"
and started towards FRESH PRODUCE, hoping that maybe there was.
"I'll get, uh, bread and milk and stuff." He turned the cart to
his right, wheels scrubbing and chirping, and walked forward. People moved
slightly, so that wherever he was heading, there was a clear space. Perhaps
they sensed him coming, and thought that unless he was paying more attention
to his surroundings than he looked like, they could get rammed. He was a
big man, and he looked like he could move big things. People thought it
was ironic, that such a large person would spend his days putting tiny resistors
in little holes, soldering surface-mount capacitors onto pads beneath a microscope.
He didn't tell them that his day job actually involved lifting desks, removing
doors, tossing 50-lb garbage pails full of uneaten school lunches into dustbins,
doing anything that the elderly janitor at Horace Mann Elementary School
was physically unable to do. He didn't mention that job to anyone; he preferred
the mystique of electronic design, although it was a far stretch to consider
three hours a day of soldering the same five resistors onto a circuit board
to be Electronic Design. But, it was part of what he did for a living.
The bananas were too ripe. She hated brown bananas. She hated crutches.
She hated having to wear high heels every day, and she hated inconsiderately
placed storm drains. Graceful movement was a vital part of her life, sales
of appearances, but there was no grace in crutches or broken ankles. The
bracelet on her wrist caught the overhead lights on its hammered surface
as she searched for a single green banana. There were more rotten ones than
she could want or count, and she was always searching for one that hadn't
gone bad. But somehow the supermarket seemed to know; they were invariably
beyond redemption by the time she met them.
After a desultory search, ("Fruitless," a little voice in her head
said,) she gave up and just stood there, with her leg lifted like a crane
in a pond. Jamie was off somewhere else, buying very healthy bread no doubt,
and without his solicitousness she could close her eyes and allow herself
to stop ignoring how badly her leg hurt. Damn, rent due. Double damn, big
food bill. He'd probably buy all sorts of expensive healthy food. Her mind
went back to two nights before, when she'd gotten home from the hospital,
and he'd brought muffins and decent green bananas and oranges over, and wonder
of wonders, not overstayed. Freshly baked muffins. The first time he'd
actually gotten through her front door, and he'd left after thirty seconds.
She forgave him pre-emptively any purchases he would make.
She sometimes wondered how he managed to exist. He seemed so childlike,
for lack of a better word; he'd run to catch up to her when she drove into
the apartment complex and got out of her car. He'd probably waited for five
minutes in his car, so that he could open the door and walk along the white
sidewalk, scuffing his shoes across the dandelions, and appear as if by coincidence
to walk and talk to her. When she was young, she had a big dumb Labrador
retriever, named Farley, and he'd sit in the corner, eyes looking at her,
tail wagging gently, waiting, until she said, "Farley," even in
the middle of a conversation or interspersed in the middle of random words,
and with that one slight cue, he'd run to her and lick her. She'd recorded
his name on a tape, and played it, while watching from a window nearby.
Farley ran up to the tape player and sniffed around, looked around, wagging
his tail slowly. She'd felt guilty about that trick for years, and she felt
guilty about Jamie now, as if she'd just done the same thing to him.
He thought he was in love with her. They both knew it. She had nothing
against him, in particular. He was just some guy, if not quite seeming to
live in the same world as she did, and he probably did normal guy things
and thought normal guy thoughts. Most of the normal guys that she knew usually
resented paying first and left the motel room without even saying goodbye.
"Seven Grain Bread. Total. Four half-gallons of 2% milk." His
voice interrupted her reverie. She looked in the basket and there they were.
"Potatoes." He pointed and grinned.
"What's that awful thing?" She pointed and grimaced.
"Kiwi. You said you'd never had one, so I figured you should try it."
She blinked once. "I said I'd never had a kiwi?"
"Well, have you?"
"No. But I don't remember talking about them."
Jamie nodded as if to convince her. "About two months ago. You came
home from shopping or something and you were complaining about all the bananas
being overripe, and I asked you if you'd ever tried kiwi."
"Oh," she said. "Is that how you knew to get the green ones
you gave to me the other night?"
Jamie nodded; she could see his tail wagging in another part of her mind.
Hidden under a fold of the potato bag, she could see a green plant stem
enclosed in a hard plastic shell, with greenish liquid surrounding it. "Red
rose, no doubt," she thought to herself. "Why do they always pick
red?"
"Gonna take me a minute to get to the front," is what she said.
"Would you get some, uh, Velveeta on the way out?"
"Yeah," he said, and he was gone, like a lost locomotive. Looking
up at him made her neck hurt.
Their assignation at the counter was entertaining; Jamie immediately grabbed
the Weekly World News, to her delight, and started trying to find pictures
of aliens. "Somehow you'd think an alien wouldn't look like Tammy Faye,
if it had evolved on another planet, would you? I mean, I'd expect them
to have five arms and no head, personally."
Rachel nodded, "Yeah, well, looks sell. If they didn't look kinda human,
people wouldn't be as interested."
"Huh." Jamie exhaled in disgust.
The woman in front of them suppressed her apparent hand tremors enough to
finish writing a check and walked through, and the checker turned around
to look at Rachel, and oh SHIT it's two-minute Jay and he's looking RIGHT
at me and he obviously recognizes me and I hate that knowing leer even more
than I hate the look he has on his face when he walks up to me on the corner
damn damn damn. And I REALLY hate the way he's looking at Jamie. No it's
not like that, you bastard, and I don't need your $50 a week from now on.
And the clerk was turning back around, responding to a voice that said, "Daddy,"
as a blond 9-year-old boy ran up. A woman walked up, a faded woman in a
nylon sweater, and Rachel looked at her, and Rachel suddenly felt very tired
and very sad, and even a little sorry for two-minute Jay, who looked white-faced
at his wife as she said, "Jay, dear, I'm here to get some jello pops
for the neighbor kids. Are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost."
"Naw, honey, I'm fine," said two-minute Jay, and she walked off.
The boy looked up, suddenly, and said, "Hey, Jamie!" and Jamie
coughed and looked over at Rachel, and then at the ground, and then suddenly
grinned and said, "Hey, Russell."
"Mom's getting me jello pops!" said Russell, and he walked past
his father. "Seeya tomorrow, Jamie!"
"Seeya, Russell. Get chocolate ones," Jamie said to the rapidly
disappearing back, and his face turned red.
And they were out in the car, and both of them were very still, and neither
of them knew quite what to say.
"You probably wonder how I know Russell, don't you?" Jamie finally
said, in a really quiet voice.
Rachel blinked, and searched for a response, and finally managed, "No,
actually I wondered why you left so quickly after you dropped off that basket
of food the other evening."
"Hm." Jamie thought a bit. "Well. Ok, I saw you get out
of your car, on crutches, and I figured you were probably not going to be
able to work at the jewelry store for a couple of days." Rachel winced
inwardly; she'd told him she worked in a jewelry store for lack of something
more creative. "So I figured, well, I could probably help you cook
and do laundry and do dishes, and I suddenly realized that I could be a real
pain in the ass. And I guess I realized that you probably aren't impressed
by what sort of job I have, and that you probably don't think about me every
day, and I decided that maybe I wouldn't, uh, inflict myself on you."
"Well, there aren't many jobs that impress me, but I really appreciate
you helping me get my groceries."
Jamie sighed again and put on the brakes gently, to stop at a light. "Rachel,
I'm a janitor. I've swept the same hallway for the last eight years. In
an elementary school."
Rachel put her hand on his arm. "Why do people live lies?"
"I guess because they can't face what they've become."
The traffic was at a standstill. From somewhere ahead, they could hear the
whoomph of tubas. "There's a parade. We're stuck," Jamie said.
He turned around and rummaged around in one of the brown sacks. His hand
returned, bearing somewhere within it a kiwi.
"Russell seemed like he liked you," Rachel said.
"Yeah. He's a neat kid. We play miss-and-out basketball after school
sometimes." Jamie smiled halfway. "Wanna go see the parade?"
"Sure," she said. "Why not?"
He took the kiwi and a pocketknife and got out of the car. As she got out,
he reached into the car behind her and pulled a green banana out of the other
sack. "It was in with the apples; you must not have seen it,"
he said, half-apologetically.